#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
Our subject on today’s #PulseFirst love didn’t even have to cheat on her boyfriend who was a serial cheat himself; making a joke about it was enough to completely ruin their 3-year relationship.
What’s your love life like right now?
It’s just there jare. It’s nothing serious. I am not even seeing anyone. there are actually people and all that but I’m really not interested. I am trying to be more vigilant after my last breakup ended the way it ended.
I was a victim of NYSC ending people’s relationships. I went to camp and then he thought I was cheating. This was 2019 December.
Let’s go back in time. When was your first crush?
It was 2007 0r 2008, can’t be so sure. The person was in JSS3, I was in JSS 2. But the thing died a natural death because I’m not such an expressive person even till now that I am an adult. He never knew about it. LOL.
How about the first person that had a crush on you. Remember that?
Ah of course. The guy was so into me that he actually did a whole portrait of me. Infact he did two. I became popular in school instantly. LOL. That was how everyone knew me. This guy was my classmate and we were in SSS1.
How about the first time you fell in love?
2016. I was in 300L
Any particular reason why it took long?
Well, for starters, when I was in secondary school, we heard that boys usually had this book where they’d write the name of babes they’d dated, kissed or fooled with, and they’d proceed to make fun of them with other boys. So stayed off all that love thing because I didn’t want to fall victim to that. By the time I got to uni, I’d reached a level in my life where I just wanted to date seriously, not anything casual. It was until 300L I met someone who looked and felt serious enough for that purpose.
And how was the relationship with him?
I think all I can say is that I should have known better and I should have been more observant. There were things that I started noticing before the relationship began and I ignored them. If I had known, I shouldn’t have ignored those signs. It’s not like he was a bad person or anything sha but he’s this fine boy, beard gang person. Guys like that are either chasing girls or girls are chasing them.
Which one did he do?
He was actually doing both. And when I complained, it felt like I was bugging him so at some point I just stopped bugging about it.
So he cheated on you?
Ah. Many times. In fact a lot.
How did it feel holding on for something real, only to end up in this situation?
I felt really bad. To be honest, it was very awful. I had to pray to be able to get over this. Because I really wanted the relationship to work and I did a lot of forgiving and taking back, but there is only so much one can take.
What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?
One Sunday while I was in camp, he called and he could hear a guy’s voice in the background. Mind you, I was in camp and I was with friends. He asked who owned the male voice he could hear in the background and I jokingly said that that was one of my boyfriends. He hung up and I was like ‘ahahn, small play.’ So I called back. He did not pick. Then I texted to clarify the situation and to tell him that I was only joking and offered an apology as he apparently didn’t like the joke. He refused to acknowledge that message as well and I didn’t bother calling until about three days later. I noticed he was online on WhatsApp. I texted him again to apologize since he was obviously still upset. Then I reminded him of how he once cracked a joke at my expense in the presence of his friends and instead of picking offense, I actually laughed with them. Why then couldn’t he get past this little joke as well? Do you know what he said after I mentioned that to him?
He said ‘you must be very mad for saying such a thing to me. If you don’t have anything reasonable to say, just get out. Don’t message me’
I’m telling you! I actually typed out an angry response full of insults but I just cleared it and decided to say nothing. Three days later, he started calling, acting as if nothing happened, and asking why I have not been calling him. He was even asking me to stop by after camp before going back home. He was in Benin, I camped in the North, I was supposed to return to Delta state and in the light of all that had already happened, I just told him that I wasn’t going to show up. Mind you, he didn’t even apologise oh.
So I just locked up. Next thing I knew, he was sending me birthday wishes the next month, I didn’t bother responding. His friends started calling and begging on his behalf. I didn’t pay any mind to them of course. Soon he started painting the narrative that I went to NYSC camp and decided to dump him. But I wasn’t even bothered anymore at that point. I was already fed up.
Him misbehaving sounds like a blessing in disguise
I agree. I was already looking for a way out. He went about telling people that I used him during my undergraduate days and that I dumped him as soon as I was done. I didn’t even give a damn.
He took the breakup badly obviously
Oh, yes! He did. Even at the beginning of the pandemic, he and his friends were still trying to get me to take him back.
How old were you at that point?
We started when I was 21 so I was about 24 when we broke up. We were together for 3 years.
And which lessons would you say you got from it?
I think most times when this love thing comes around, it’s not so good to jump in. And also don’t just assume someone is serious. I think this is where most of the issues in that relationship came from. He probably didn’t want the same thing that I wanted. He was probably looking for something as serious as me. I was already picturing marriage, kids, all that. He was probably thinking of something not that long-lasting. I think I didn’t take enough time to figure out if we were on the same page in that regard. And in the end, I had to do so much to keep the relationship going because I knew the picture I had in mind and I really wanted it to work.
I feel you
And also, for people who desperately wish that their first will be their one and only forever – both in terms of relationships and sex – I think that pressure does not help. I was like that. I really wanted him [my first love] to be my only one ever and that didn’t help. Once the person is not behaving in the manner they should, don’t hesitate to let them go. That’s something I should have done a long time ago.
Have you dated anyone since then?
What do you think you’d be doing differently in your next relationships?
I think I’ll be looking a lot more before leaping. I don’t want anything that looks like that former relationship.
You really regret that relationship
If I want to be sincere, I do. I really do.
There’s more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.